The Homunculous Sleepover
by kitties control my brain
Summary: Greed, Envy, Wrath, Edo, Lust, Mustang, Gluttony, and Birdy are all having a sleepover at the homunculous house. Will Envy get to paint someones toes? What happens when Dante appears and the only way to defeat her is with the Wrathsaiga? Find out now!


**Disclaimer: Don't own FMA. Nopesies. But I _am_ going to paint Edo's toenails with my hot-pink Hellokitty nail polish! -gets nail polish- "Oh eeeeedoooo!" -edo runs off into the basement and locks the door.-

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"BREAK OUT THE BOOZE!"

"EDO SHUTUP! YOU ARE TO YOUNG TO HAVE ANY!" Barked the brunette girl wearing button-up pajamas with smiley-face print on it with the smileys saying "poke me. I dare you."

* * *

The short blonde boy spun around in circles like a drunken sailor. He wasn't drunk, but had drank too much coke instead. He was only acting drunk because earlier that night Birdy and Wrath had tied him up to a chair pumping coke into him saying that he was actually drinking loads of Irish rum. Ahhhh, the power of suggestion.

"And why not?" He asked.

-sigh- Birdy rubbed her fingers in circular motions on her temples, trying to relieve herself of this headache.

"_Because_ you moron, you're a _minor!_ You aren't allowed to drink any alcohol until you are 21! Which is why we just gave you six kegs of coke and just _said _you were drinking!"

"Oh. That makes sense."

"Well that's okay!" Greed walked up and smacked Edo on the back with a smile on his face, causing Edo to fall forward slightly.

Birdy stepped back a ways.

"I don't like that look on your face Greed… What are you up to?"

Greed: "Oooohhh… nothing…" _Dang. She's suspicious. How could she know that Envy and I were planning on running down main street streaking?

* * *

_

During Greed's thoughts, he began squeezing his head with his hands and flailing about the room, worried that Birdy had just figured out the entirety of Greed and Envy's "evil plan".

Buuuuut, since Birdy really had no idea that Greed and Envy were planning something and had just accused him of it because she was ALWAYS suspicious of him, she stood by Edo with a very worried expression.

She began to worry.

_Oh my god! Is Greed having a seizure?_

"CALL 911!" she belted out in Edo's ear.

Edo: "Wait! What? Whoa!"

Edo was frightened to bring Greed to the hospital. Edo had been terrified of hospitals ever since he had to have his tonsils removed and the doctors accidentally removed his spleen. Yes, it was a very terrible day. Especially since they ended up removing his spleen and forgetting to give him amnesia. Edo was scarred for life.

* * *

"Why! We don't need those weirdo's!"

"You're one to talk!"

"AH!" Edo flew back and hit a table. "The…that's just mean!"

Birdy was now getting annoyed by Edo's clear stupidity.

* * *

Envy walked prancing down the stairway to see what the ruckus that just woke him from his beauty sleep was. While he walked down the stairs, he tried walking like a model to show off his new skimpy negligee.

Lust and Birdy covered their eyes at the scary sight of envy.

"DEAR GOD PUT SOMETHING ELSE ON YOU WIERDO!" Lust yelled.

"I guess I proved myself wrong. Edo's not the biggest weirdo of all, YOU are envy."

"But you never said that Edo was the _biggest_ weirdo of all, just that he was _a _weirdo. There is a difference you know." Lust stated.

Birdy shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever. But yes, you DO have a point it seems."

* * *

"So, aside from the fact that the two of you flat-chested girls are jealous of how shmexy I look in this new lacey hot-pink negligee I just bought from JC Penny yesterday with Birdy's Hello Kitty credit card, what's all the ruckus about?" Envy asked very puzzled.

"Hey! I'm not flat-chested!" Lust yelled in response to Envy. "I'll prove it to you!"

Lust stood right by Birdy to prove her point. There was clearly a rather –ahem- _large_ difference in Lust and Birdy's chest sizes.

"Oh! Well I guess you are right then. So then there's only one girl who's flat-chested here." Envy said.

Birdy gloomed in a corner. "…it's not my fault that I'm flat-chested…"

* * *

"Why, yes it is!" A very stupid and over-confident voice was heard throughout the house, and then a puff of smoke appeared, the front door closed, then someone yelling "Ow! My finger! Stupid door…" was heard. Finally, the smoke cleared.

"I! The 'Great Mustang' is finally here!"

Everyone looked at Mustang like he was OBVIOUSLY a complete moron (but we already know that!).

"Sooo…what are you doing here?" Birdy asked from the corner.

Mustang replied smugly. "Yes yes, that _is _the question here now _isn't it, _Sullivan?"

Birdy thought to herself with a giant sweat drop forming over her head: _Did he just call me "Sullivan"?

* * *

_

"Roy! When did you get here?" Envy asked.

"Well, I obviously didn't get here when that smoke appeared! If that's what you mean!"

"Oh! Okay then!"

* * *

"So, why are you even here?" Birdy asked.

Mustang looked over his shoulder with a sudden shift in mood. He looked at her with scarily romantic-ish eyes. "For you.."

Birdy's hair stuck up on its ends and so did Envy's (although nobody really seemed to notice his hair since it always looks like that.)

Out of nowhere, Birdy grabbed a lawn chair and smacked Mustang on the forehead. "QUIT ALWAYS SAYING CREEPY STUFF LIKE THAT!"

-Loud screams are heard from the very large house.-

* * *

-AWHILE LATER-

"Hmmm…so what should we do now?" asked Greed who had mysteriously recovered from whatever was wrong with him.

"PAINT OUR NAILS!" Envy was jumping for joy. He loved painting peoples nails.

Envy began chasing Birdy and Edo around with a jar of glow in the dark green nail polish.

"No Envy! Don't come near me!" Birdy yelled. She looked frantically around the room for a weapon to protect herself from Envy's evil nail polish. "AH HA!" Ah-ha'ed Birdy when she spotted her Moofy (her nickname for Wrath).

"MOOOOFY!" Birdy cried running towards Wrath. But Wrath didn't run from her. He just stood there.

Birdy ran up and grabbed Wrath by his ankles and started wielding him like he was some kind of a sword.

"Beware of my Wrath evil Envy!"

"YAY!" squealed Wrath. It was just like a samurai movie to him!

Edo ran for cover from Envy by running and hiding behind the almighty Birdy.

* * *

Envy stopped and squealed. "Oh! Don't hurt me!" He shielded his head with his arms.

"I'm too beautiful to die!"

"But Envy…you're a guy…" Said Wrath.

Envy shot off threatening daggers at Wrath causing Wrath to shut his mouth.

Birdy took a step backwards getting ready to attack.

"CHAAAARGE!" Birdy charged for Envy. Envy ducked, but that just caused Birdy to cut off several thick strands of Envy's hair.

Envy squealed. "You ruined my hair!" Envy got up, and just as he did, HIS HAIR GREW BACK!.

Gluttony screamed, Wrath closed his eyes, and Edo shook in fear. Birdy on the other hand was not fazed, but that was because she was still more shocked from the scary sight of Envy in his new negligee.

* * *

"Have no fear! I! 'Mustang the Great' shall save you!" Mustang dived in front of Birdy, but was so slow that it looked like he was going in slow motion, and he didn't make it in time. In fact, he was so slow that Birdy just smacked him in the head with her "Wrath-saiga" as she now called it. Ya…they obviously all watch too much InuYasha.

Birdy turned back to Envy and pointed her Wrath-saiga at Envy defensively. "Now fear for your life Envy! FEAR MY WRATH-SAIGA!"

Birdy charged at Envy with full force, but Envy just stepped out of her path and she ended up crashing into the radio and hitting the "on" button and accidentally turning it up really loudly. A loud "YOOO I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT!" was heard throughout the house of the homunculus.

Greed came out of the kitchen (he was taking a beer break from all of the excitement) and jumped up and down "Oooooh! I love this song!"

Him and Envy were now singing "Wannabe". Envy was Ginger Spice and Greed was Scary Spice.

* * *

But it's not like those two are good singers AT ALL, so everyone else in the household (except Mustang) were rolling on the floor, writhing in pain. Mustang however was loving every minute of the song. He joined in singing the song. And surprisingly enough, Greed, Envy, and Mustang were all dancing to the song in unison. They had memorized every move to that song (or is that really very surprising?)

* * *

"ROOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRR! WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER!" yelled a loud and scary voice. But did the three singing idiots notice? Not at all! They just kept on doing what they were doing.

* * *

Loud footsteps were heard coming down the stairs and into the living room.

Lust looked up and saw….

….DANTE!

DUN DUN DUUUUUN!

* * *

"Dante?" Lust was surprised to see that Dante was up at this hour, considering the fact that her and Dante had been out partying at a bar the night before. It was ladies night is why.

"EEENVVVYYY! GREEEEED! MUUUUUUSTAAAAAANG!"

"..crap.." Wrath was scared of Dante's rage.

* * *

Dante marched up angrily to the radio and pulled out a giant sledgehammer from behind her, and smashed it to bits.

……………

….then……….

…………………….

Dante's eyes became red glowing slits and she grew to be several meters high! There was an evil aura around her.

* * *

"GRAAAAAAR! DIEEEEEEE!" Yelled Dante with a deep and evil voice.

Envy, Greed, Mustang, Birdy, Wrath, Lust, and Gluttony were cowering in a corner from fear.

"Envy! _Do _something!" Lust demanded.

Envy got up and tried to be the hero. Not that THAT is very reassuring.

"Alright." Envy pointed his finger at Dante. "You shall die here! Fear my Wrath-saiga!" Envy grabbed Wrath by the ankles.

Wrath:D "YAY!"

* * *

Envy charged at Dante at full speed and swung his Wrath-saiga at her arm. He sliced one of her arms off, but it just grew back.

"Well, I guess we now know where he gets THAT ability from…" Lust said sarcastically.

"Your measly Wrath-saiga will have no effect on me! Only ugly nail polish and cute adorable puppies can destroy me!" Dante laughed maniacally.

* * *

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in Lust's head. She had an idea!

"Envy! Get your glow in the dark green nail polish! Paint Dante's toes with it!"

Envy turned around and looked at Lust confusingly. "But why? She said it has to be ugly!"

"Oi…" Lust smacked her head in annoyance. Then she went over to the dresser where Envy had left the nail polish.

"Wrath! Here! Paint Dante's toes with this!" Lust threw the nail polish at Wrath for him to catch. Wrath caught the nail polish but yelled back: "Hey! That's Wrath-_saiga!"_

"Whatever…sigh" Lust sighed.

* * *

Wrath opened the bottle of glow in the dark nail polish and painted Dante's toe nails (very sloppily too might I add).

Dante: "NOOOOO! I'M MEEEELTIIIIING! AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Birdy, Greed, Envy, Wrath-_saiga_, Lust, and Gluttony (who was of no help at all, as usual) all stared down at the puddle of what USED to be Dante, but was now a strange looking black puddle.

* * *

Birdy looked at Mustang, Greed, and Envy mad with her arms crossed and tapping her foot (ironically it was to the beat of the song "Wannabe" that they were singing earlier.)

"Well…there has GOT to be a lesson in all this somewhere. I just know it."

"Could it be 'don't play with fire'?" asked Wrath.

"…somehow, I don't think that that's it…"

"Oh! I know! It's 'don't ever sing while Dante is sleeping off a hangover' right?" asked Mustang.

"Well, I'm not sure, but let's just say it is." Said Lust.

So they all lived happily ever after and had fun at there sleepover painting toenails, singing more karaoke, and BAKING APPLE PIES FOR ALL THE STARVING CHILDREN OF THE WORLD!

**--------------END-------------

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**author: well, that was sure fun now wasn't it?**

**Envy: yay! I finally got to paint someone's toenails after all!**

**Lust: --' sweat drop forms over head.**

**Author, Birdy, Envy, Lust, Greed, Gluttony, Wrath, Mustang, Edo, and Dante all bow heads in unison: "Please review! And flames are not welcome!"**


End file.
